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Friday, January 22, 2010

QUESTIONS??????






  • Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?
  • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?
  • Why didn't Tarzan have a beard?
  • Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
  • Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
  • If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
  • Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
  • Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
  • Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
  • Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
  • How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
  • When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'
  • Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
  • In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer when we complained about the heat?
  • How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
  • Why do stores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
  • Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke?
  • Why do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?
  • Ever wonder why we leave cars worth thousands of pounds in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage?
  • Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin ?
  • Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
  • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
  • Why is a man who invests all your money called a broker?
  • Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
  • Have you ever heard of mouse-flavoured cat food? Why not?
  • Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
  • Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
  • Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
  • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?
  • Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  • Why is abbreviated such a long word?
  • Why does monosyllabic have five syllables?
  • Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
  • Why is a carrot orange more than an orange?
  • Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
  • Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
  • Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
  • Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
  • Why do they call it a building? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a built?
  • Why is it when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
  • Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?
  • Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
  • Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
  • Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
  • Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
  • Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
  • Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?
  • Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?
  • Why is a boxing ring square?
  • Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
  • Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
  • Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
  • Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
  • Why do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight?
  • Why do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering?
  • If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
  • If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
  • Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
  • Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
  • Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
  • Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?
  • Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
  • Why is it call "after dark" when it really is "after light" ?
  • Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
  • Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?
  • Why do 'overlook and 'oversee' mean opposite things?
  • If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
  • If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  • If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
  • Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
  • Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
  • Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
  • If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
  • Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
  • If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
  • Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
  • What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?
  • Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
  • If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
  • What do people in China call their good plates?
  • Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
  • Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?
  • Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no-one would eat?
  • If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
  • Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
  • If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
  • Can blind people see their dreams?
  • If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?
  • If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
  • Why do the alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
  • Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
  • Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
  • Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
  • Why are Trix only for kids?
  • Can you cry under water?
  • How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
  • Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?
  • Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Taxes?
  • Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
  • How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
  • Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
  • If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
  • Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
  • Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
  • If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
  • If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
  • How can there be self-help "groups"?
  • Is it possible to be totally partial?
  • Is Marx's tomb a "communist plot"?
  • If swimming is good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
  • What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  • If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
  • If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
  • If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
  • If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  • Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
  • How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
?????? Questions...Questions...So many questions....??????

Monday, January 11, 2010

Happy New Decade...




We will open the book.
  Its pages are blank.
  We are going to put words on them ourselves.
  The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.
  ~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

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